dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
