I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
