i wish my penis had a tongue
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
