you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
