you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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