don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
