I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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