I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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