Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
