the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
