I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
