guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
