You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
