I wish i was in the wii world.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
