you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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