I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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