Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Randomize
