The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
