Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
