I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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