Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
