i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
