I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
