The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
