i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
