Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
