Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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