i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
