its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
