How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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