an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
