Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
