I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
