my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
