Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
