If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
