it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
pop tarts are not kleenex
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
