I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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