and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
