Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
