Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
