She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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