I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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