its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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