you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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