bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
