it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
