On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
