I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I have aggressive nipples.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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