We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
